The myths about sex seem to have no end. When what says that if you masturbate you get pimples or that you cannot have sex during menstruation has been overcome, others appear that, for example, link sexual desire to the sign of the zodiac or masturbation ―yes, onanism. continues to be in the spotlight― with lower performance in the gym. There are several reasons why popular culture maintains these ideas, despite being denied by studies and experience in sexology consultation. To begin with, and as happens with all hoaxes, because they fit with the previous idea that we have about sex and we tend to validate everything that coincides with our opinions, tastes or beliefs. On the other hand, because there are still certain prejudices around this topic and there is still little talk in a productive way ―telling war stories would not be within productive conversations―.
Information, the desire to want to learn about a subject and the critical spirit to doubt what we read are the antidotes against myths. And here we want to counteract some of these misconceptions that are circulating about sex.
1. If you’ve had an orgasm, you know it.
This ingenious phrase is surely true in a high percentage of people. But in others it is not. “How is it possible that they don’t know!?” someone may ask. Well, because there are women who can’t identify their orgasm. In the case of men, orgasm and ejaculation usually go together -although they can occur separately as they are different processes- and this becomes a very obvious physical sign that the subjective sensation of climax has been reached. But in many women there is not such a clear signal. In addition, this is a different experience for each person, so perhaps some feel it in a very explosive way and others, not so much. And it is in the case of the latter when it can happen that the maximum point of pleasure is not identified, especially if what is expected is an explosion of colors, screams and spasms. A clue to identify the female orgasm are the contractions, more or less evident, that are experienced in the vaginal area. To answer, then, the question of “how do I know if I have had an orgasm?”, one must have a good sexual education and self-knowledge of oneself.
2. The best sex is spontaneous
There is nothing to object to about the wonderfulness of a passionate encounter, where two (or more) people see each other, fool around and have sparks that lead to movie sex. That is the ideal dreamed of by many and it is not a bad plan, but you have to be aware of the fiction part that it also has. Spontaneous sex does not always bring the best orgasms, nor is planning sex anticlimactic. This last part must be demystified a lot in sex therapy consultation and understood as something necessary if we want to maintain healthy eroticism in couples who have been together for some time. In the article Why sexual intercourse is often as or more satisfying than spontaneous sex, published by the BBC, it can be read that in some studies it has been shown that sexual satisfaction does not differ if the relationship is spontaneous or planned.
3. Humidity does not deceive
“Moisture does not deceive” is what Some people say about vaginal lubrication as an obvious sign of sexual arousal and even desire. But humidity is not always a sign of it, much less of feeling like it. And it is that excitement is one thing and physiological processes, another. It is easy to understand by making a parallel with the erection of the penis: not always when there is an erection it is due to excitement. In the same way that the opposite can happen: that there is no lubrication (or erection) and there is excitement. On the other hand, it has been studied that it is common for there to be a physiological sexual response in women to stimuli that do not necessarily have to do with their erotic tastes. The hypothesis of why this happens, as he explained to The weekly country Pedro Nobre, PhD in Clinical Psychology from the University of Coimbra and director of the SexLab at the University of Porto, is that this response is an adaptation or protection mechanism against possible penetration.
4. “You fuck less than a married man”
The saying that getting married implies stopping having sexual relations has a certain part. And it is that the years, the routine and the coexistence finish with the initial passion and if the erotic in couple is not taken care of ―planning the meetings, for example― it can end up being lost. But this is not always the case and there is research that confirms it. In the sociological study Ulises, In 2017, which collected interviews from more than 1,000 people about their sexual habits, married people or those who live with their partner practiced more sex than single women ―48.4% of married people practiced it at least once a week compared to 33.8% of singles―. Another study, this one from New York University, concluded that, among the interviewed sample, 45.8% of people with a stable partner had sex two to three times a week, while only 8% of singles did the same. this digit. Now, being honest, it should be added that there may be a tendency among people who are married and in a stable relationship to have less and less sex, while single people have an increasingly active sex life. So it is possible that things will change. Be that as it may, this is not a competition, so we try to take care of our sexual health, each one as needed.
5. Saliva is a good lubricant
“With patience and saliva, the elephant put it into the ant”, says a popular saying. And while patience is good advice – bodies take time to prepare for penetration – saliva is not. Using it is a popular resource in the cinema, as in the first night of passion between the two cowboys of the movie Brokeback Mountain, but it’s really not a good choice. Saliva is a liquid that is 99% water and water dries very easily. With which, although initially applied in the vaginal or anal area, it will evaporate quickly and the lubrication effect will not last long. Once dry, it does not protect from friction, which can cause small injuries. Given this, there are two options: constantly applying saliva, which does not seem practical or comfortable, or use specific lubricants, like the many on the market. So, elephant friend, use lubricant… and inform yourself so you don’t get any other myths.